Photographic Memoirs

How I miss traveling with my classmates *sigh*. I wish we could travel together again. Okay, I definitely MISS traveling! I miss experiencing new places and seeing new faces. The last place I went to were Hong Kong and Macau.

Oh well,here are some of the places I have been to with them. Miss them all *sigh*

KLIA/ FLY FM STUDIO

ROYAL SELANGOR PEWTER / PUTRAJAYA/ TUDM MUSEUM/MTC

PENANG/LANGKAWI

PHUKET/THAILAND

MACAU











HONG KONG

Note : I treassure these pictures so much so I would really appreciate it if you don't try to steal them. In short, if you are a friend of mine then it's ok but if I don't know you and you steal those pics, a big "FUCK OFF" is more appropriate . Beeyatch!



Don't Hate Me.

Haberdash /Deja Moo

"Love Bipolar"
word of the month

I'm not gonna talk haberdash about anything possibly infuriating that happened today so instead, I'm gonna talk about a once in a blue moon incident that occurred this afternoon. Gosh I think I just used a nerdy sentence! Whatevs!

Anyways, it happened on my way home from a quick lunch and stroll in BB (it was pathetically boring. I work in that area for fuck sake!). Before continuing my so called journey to the friggin bus stop, I made a quick visit to Guardian to hunt for bargains and yeah I had to buy Garnier for my sister (she has been asking me to buy it since our stock finished,mind you!). Ok, a few minutes inside that place seemed like forever but I managed to get out before 3.30pm I guess. I was walking in a hurry so I payed less attention to my surroundings except for the cars and vehicles while crossing (wouldn't wanna end getting roadkilled like a stray cat). I crossed the road safely and continued walking while things run through my mind vigourously. Halfway to the bus stop, I noticed this guy in a red shirt,with a backpack and jeans looking back at me. I mean, I was walking behind him soo..well..you deffinately get the idea,innit?! Ok, so he didn't only look back once but a couple of times with the same semi puzzled and hesitant look on his face until this one moment when he stopped and courageously asked me a very straight forward question. "Do you work here?" I quickly took off my left earphone and replied with a "huh??" . He began talking to me and even asked me if it was alright for him to just come straight to me so i replied,"err..not really..it's kinda weird/awkward. " Even with that phrase, he wouldn't wanna leave me alone. He did ask a lot of questions. Well, like how people are when they want to know about someone. No biggie but it was still quite awkward for me to be talking to a complete stranger. Do you think I'll give you the 411 about myself that easily? Fuck no! haha.. So he told me a little bit about himself and well I just nodded and tried very hard not to look scared. God knows what could have happened. There came a point where I thought he was gonna leave but he ended up talking to me until my bus came. He explained to me why he was in KL for the weekend and I just listened. The thing that hit me most was our conversation before reaching the bus stop. Here's the re-enactment (not 100% accurate.do forgive my short term memory so it just sorta,kinda happened in this way)

" So, you usually wait for your bus here?"
"Umm..yeah I'm going home"
" Oh, if you're not doing anything later then,do you want to hang out at my hotel room? I don't know what else to do and I'm bored of walking around this area"
" Oh,sorry but No, my parents are waiting for me and I gotta be there by 4pm".
moments later...
"Well..I usually come here every 2 weeks so if you wanna hang out by then u can just call.."
"ohhh"
"Can we exchange numbers?"
"Noooooo.."
"why? but if your not that open about it then it's okay. I just thought you were very open and bla bla bla"
"well I am open but there are just limitations, This is just too awkward"

The conversation went on and on and NO! I DID NOT GIVE AWAY ANY NUMBER WHATSOEVER!
.................................................................................................................................
This was not the first time though that an older man tried to get my number. It all started waaayy before I found out the difference of 'being nice' and just plain taking advantage a.k.a junior years of high school.
.................................................................................................................................

Those are just a bunch of deja moos. I mean seriously, people will requestion you and durh it's almost always obvious! FYI, I dislike it when guys ask my number unless I feel like it. In this case,givingmy digits to complete strangers (that I happen to just met and had a couple of words with). It's just not my thing! Do i exude an undecent aura or vibe? Do I look like a fucking porn star? I am not the type of chic where u can just booty call in the middle of the nigh,beeyatches!

Oh and he mentioned to me taht he found the guts totalk to me because he said I looked very innocent (blame the glasses) and friendly. I'm not against it or anything but,to all of you out there, don't judge me like you are reading the back cover of a novel (the synopsis) . I am friendly and all but don't even think of pushing a button. Especially with the one labelled with "beeyatch" on it!

OK, enough mummbles. I didn't take my dinner and I'm hungry. No plans of pigging out. Oh and i don't really have the apetite to eat. I don't know why I puked this morning,a few hours after braekfast. Did I ate something dodgy?? hmm..I have no idea. One thing is for certain though, it's not an upcoming baby bump! DURH!!!

My wrists are tired and my eyes are getting heavy. Till next time. Ciao.

The Sayangs

Find Your Name!



Made In : wordle.net

Watashiwa..

My Japanese name is Ayano Ando.

Take The Original Japanese Name Generator by Shu today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Did this out of boredom..

All because of myspace

This is beginning to annoy me! Every single week since ntah bila, we became more apart from each other. You might think I'm happy but the fact is, im not. You might think I don't give a shit about what you do but you are damn wrong! How can I be happy when you are so far away from me and the only thing that helps us communicate is unbearably fucked up ?
You don't know how I feel when your not here. Just because I look and seem happy it doesn't mean I am happy. I worry and think about you every single minute of the day yet you think that I don't?

I thought you trusted me? I thought you loved me? Now it's like you don't even want to talk to me. Where did I go wrong? Tell me. Talk to me cause you're not the only one hurt!

Every time you do this, I feel hurt inside. It's just like a mirror that broke into pieces. Think about it. All I did was love you. Didn't mean to dishonor you or mistreat you. I couldn't do that because I love you. Still wish you feel the same way too. Don't wanna lose you but I felt you drift apart and it makes me sad just thinking about it. Why? Did it all go down the drain? Am i not important anymore? Gosh!

Whatever happened to 'Karlinzky' ?

Missing

Here I am,in front of the computer,missing a bunch of people and thinking about them.

1. Karl = I miss us. I miss being around you,beside you,near you. You really do light up my life.

2. Mimi = I miss bitching around with you. I miss looking at your gorgeous smile and your infectious laugh. I miss talking to you and yeah phone conversations are never enough!

3. Aliah = If only u knew how different I feel without you here. You're so far away that it scares me to even think of losing you. I miss our 'dates' and I miss holding your hand while we pretend to be gay.

4. Bebot = Never will I forget you,ever! I miss talking to you too. Where have you been? Whatever it is, I will always be here for you. Just reach out.

Kawan

What ever happened to the my clique during my senior years in high school? A part of me still miss them but they don't seem to care anymore if we still keep in touch or not. It makes me sad to think that I miss them but they seem to have forgotten all the craziness and fun that we have all done together. Well, that's what I think. Come on! How on earth will you know if they do think of you as much as you think about them? Well..unless they tell you that they do! Durh!


Yeah sure we all have our own lives now. I can't even keep up with the who,where,and what in their lives. Oh well..no harm done anyways. We'll just catch up with each other when we meet. I'm happy if their happy and so far I'm happy with my life. I just want them to know that even though years have passed, I still do cherish everything we have done together. Still miss them and think about them..like right now..


Another thing that I noticed..lately..or since last year (i think).. I realized that I gain more guy friends than girl friends..what's different about hanging out with guys and being friends with them is that they are the least to betray you or back stab you. But nothing beats girl besties! They are the best you can ever have or ask for!

Mimi, Lia, Lexa,June,Angel : Love you!!!

The Helper (The Two)

I took an Enneagram Test Online and this is the result. About 90% of the descriptions are accurate according to my presonality. Read and understand (lol):

The Helper (the Two)

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me

• Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
download movies best free download movies ang cheap cigarettes very nice download mp3 best mp3 free buy cialis online
• Share fun times with me.
• Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
• Let me know that I am important and special to you.
• Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships

• Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
• Reassure me often that you love me.
• Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Two

• being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
• knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
• being generous, caring, and warm
• being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
• being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two

• not being able to say no
• having low self-esteem
• feeling drained from overdoing for others
• not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
• criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
• being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
• working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often

• are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
• try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
• are outwardly compliant
• are popular or try to be popular with other children
• act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
• are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents

• are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
• are often playful with their children
• wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
• can become fiercely protective

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

wanna take the test? follow this link. http://www.9types.com/newtest/homepage.actual.html

Eventful.Doubtful.Wasteful.

Yesterday was a long day for me. Eventful yet quite tiresome.

As I always do every Saturday, I woke up early with the 'work mode' on the back of my head. Had around 2 hours of sleep due to an emotional sharing session which I totally appreciated (thanks Shook for sharing and you know I'm always here to listen *smile*). I thought I was gonna be late for work but I was wrong. I wasn't in the mood to dress myself up like what I always do every weekend so I just wore my black mini balloon skirt that Ginger gave me last year and a top that screams out 'naughty girl in nice wrappings' (by Ed & Edd). To top it off, I wore my fave pair of sneakers. I totally felt like a stranger to myself but whatever! Ok, so I arrived in the office at around 8.30 a.m and there was no one in sight. Even the grills were closed but good thing I managed to open it. I went to the pantry and started munching on a piece of bread that i bought. Nothing much happened after that except for the constant arrivals of my colleagues and then work.

I got out of the office at almost 2pm. I thought I wasn't gonna see him but I did. It sure made my day and I had the chance to give him that lil summin I bought for him while i was gift shopping for my god sister's birthday. We had lunch together at the same place where we wrote our names on the wall but it wasn't at the same table. Who cares anyway?! Oh, I never thought that one moment would happen but it did. Something just pushed me to utter a line that I can never forget. " I can only taste the lemon on my lips and nothing else....wanna taste it too?" Does that sound funny or what? Come to think of it, it's a pretty funny line to use but it worked. Made me giggle though. I'm not gonna kiss and tell about what happened next cause it would just ruin the whole memory and besides, it's between me and him.

I arrived home around 4 p.m. I had to rush a little cause we we're going to the birthday party. We arrived at the scene around 6pm i guess. The party hasn't even started yet. Everything began a few minutes before 8. It was alright at the beginning. Food was good too,as always! The only thing that made it enjoyable was the booze. I may not be a heavy drinker but it was my source of entertainment. Seeing drunk people talk crap and do interesting things in front of me is always priceless. Yes of course my parents were there and they don't mind me drinking but even though they don't mind,there were still obvious doubts about what I was doing. I just had 2 glasses of Club 99 and a shot of tequila ( i was just gettin started!) with some homeboys when my dad told me off everyone there. It was down right embarrassing. I didn't do anything wrong and I was perfectly fine -and I mean it! I wasn't drunk! He,on the other hand thought I was and he started to hate what he saw. After he told me off, i stopped drinking but I was still at the table (with my sister ) talking to them. Whenever he approaches, he would snoop around and there was this one time when he raised his voice and told me off again. Ok, the first was alright and acceptable but this time, I wasn't even drinking and for him to do that was down right lame and retarded. The thing is, I was just talking and a glass full of liquor that belonged to the person sitting beside me (who wasn't there at that time) was in front of me. Talk about judging things too soon!
After those two incidents, I lost my mood to even talk and have fun. I just sat there,listened to all of them (including the host) laugh around. Dad was there too,sipping on his tea with a displeased look on his face. Time passed and by 1a.m,we were going off already. Too bad we couldn't stay. maybe that was another reason why he wouldn't let us sleep over. On the way to the car,during the 'bye-bye.see u next time" session, my dad over-heard one homeboy (that i was talking to previously) telling me to drop by his work place some time if I'm free. He told me off again inside the car. I was just nodding my head and smiling when the guy told me. I wasn't serious on planning to meet up with him. No way! I'd rather go out with my sayang than him. My dad thought I was really going to meet up with the guy so he said "don't you dare or else you're done with!". What the fuck !!!! Why am i always misjudged?
Last night was just a screw up. I never thought it would end up like that. He was telling me off from the car to the house. What a joyride!
I know why he acted that way. He was just protecting me and all. I value that but why can't he be less tense about it? He seriously doesn't know me and my sister well. First of, I don't go for those types of guys and secondly, I'm not 'that' type of girl. Think I'm cheap? I'll smack your face in return! I hate it when people (including my own parents) give me wrong perceptions. It's just fucking retarded that people judge other people based on their current behavior. What's happening now and how that person deals with it varies from time to time. It doesn't give people the right to judge them quickly. Helloooooo! I'm trying to think from both sides here! I know and understand how parents would feel if their kid is behaving weirdly than what they are accustomed with. My dad reacted way over the matter and I defended me and my sister with the type of manner that can seem to be rude. Yes I know it's my fault too and I admit it. Just don't tell me this again mom," your cousins aren't like that!". You don't have any idea how their lifestyle is so quit pretending that you know them very well! That goes to you too dad! I know and realize that I'm not the most descent girl you can meet but at least I know boundaries and limits. There are other girls out there that are worse than me and my sis. Oh, I forgot,why would you care ?They aren't your responsibilities anyway!

And to my sayang, I'm sorry about last night..the drinking and all. I understand that you felt what dad felt.Forgive me.I didn't mean to upset you. I know I have upset you plenty of times and I'm sorry. I ♥ you.

A day in the life

What a day! I'm tired,hungry and lonely.

First off, this thing that I go through almost everyday with my dad is burdening me. He won't understand. HE will never hear me out. On the way to the bus stop where I wait every single day, a friend called. I was too annoyed to answer the call. It rang twice. "Aren't you gonna answer the call? ", dad said. " Malas nak jawab. It's my choice whether i wanna answer it or not." Yeah that's what I said. "Kenapa tak nak angkat pula? Kenapa malas pulak?" Ujarnya lagi. I stepped out of the car with a big sigh. I hate it when he snoops around.


I waited and waited but it didn't take long before a white small car stopped in front of me. It was my bus mate. He offered to take me to work since he was going the same way). What was I thinking?? I mean, I barely know the person but I just plunged in? What would sayang say?? He seems to be alright though. Old enough to be someone's uncle or father. Before I accepted the offer, a part of me held back but just the thought of being late scared me enough to jump in. I arrived safe and sound though. I thanked him and got out of the car. Took a deep breath and thank God I was fine. I crossed the busy road with only sayang on my mind. How I wish he could hold my hand while we cross like he always does. The hope and thought of seing him during lunch made me happy and my worries went away for a while. Before going inside the office, I bought myself two peices of bread for breakfast. Time passed and my cramps were kicking in like shit.

It was already 12 pm. The cramps were still there and it made me feel really pissed. I looked behind me and told my lunch buddy and colleague that I was going out with someone for lunch. it was weird though cause she seemed to not care about who i was having lunch with. It's like she was tired of listening to all my 'dear diary tales'. Before I could turn back to my computer screen,she stopped me and reminded me to be careful with what I do. I am still on probation after all and she just told me to watch my actions carefully. That moment hit me like Hurricane Katrina. It got me on the ground again. I knew I was procrastinating at some point but not to the extent where I wasn't doing any work at all. Oh no siree! But I thank her for getting me back on the ground again. I nodded and responded with a worried smile and finally turned my head to the computer. With a lot of things and worries in my mind, I continued working on the links that I had to fix. Still a long way to go. The clock struck 1 and I was relieved to get out and breathe some fresh air. I went down but he wasn't there like he promissed. " Must be on his way," I muttered. I redialed and redialed until I got tired pressing the keypad. When i reached the restaurant, I recieved a text. I was wrong about him being late. He wasn't gonna show up at all. Turns out that he just woke up from his slumber. I was disappointed. I just despise it when people tell me that they will do things and that it seemed to be for certain when it's actually not.
Anyhow,my afternoon was better than what I went through earlier I guess.

He's home now. So am I. I arrived an hour ago,knackered. I miss him a lot. Tomorrow might be a long day and I won't get to see him at all. I don't even know when. I just feel so distant lately. It's like he's distant from me. Always busy hanging out and sleeping late,very late! It's not that I don't want him to hang out with his friends or whatever it is that guys do but I just don't like how his friends treat him. They don't seem to appreciate him and all. I just don't like it when they tease him a lot. I care helluva lot about him. I can't stand seing him sad and lonely or alone. If I could, I'd do everything to cheer him up when he feels down. Sayang, I don't want to lose you at all. I hope you understand that I get mad at you at times cause I care about you and I love you.What i feel for you is possibly as deep as the earth's core and I don't like it when anyone hurts you inside. Sorry for being such a bitch at times (that includes the times I bombard you with mean texts or words) and thank you for accepting me,flaws and all. When we don't talk to each other, you are still in my mind and it gets more painful the longer we keep quiet.




if your love was all i have in this life,that would be enough until the end of time. rest your weary heart and relax your mind.. - Justin Timberlake's Until The end of Time

A Note to Lia

You definitely know how much I miss you. I tell you that every time we talk on the phone and whenever we chat online but today, I missed you more than ever. Knowing that you are much further away than where you normally are, I couldn't help but think about how you're doing. IS it too cold there? Are people nice with you? Yes I know you are strong and you are very capable of taking care of yourself but it's just different when we're together.


I can't believe how things change so quickly and how time flies. First time we met, you were really quiet but you gave me a warm smile and an approachable look. The closer we were, the more inseparable we became. A year has passed since we met and never have I regret meeting someone like you.Oh,babe I'm counting on the day that I will see you again!


We have been through a lot of things together and girl, you sure know how to react when I put on my long face especially when I'm starving! I admit,there are times when I'd rather shout at you or ignore you whenever I get cranky but I know that you understand and I thank you for that. It's a normal thing that friends go through anyways! Just the thought of what we've done together brings a smile to my face. Having you by my side during our trips helped me feel more comfortable and at the same time more energetic cause I know that we're always on the same page! Penang & Langkawi was great! Thailand was crazy as shit fun even though we did have a minor argument (made me not talk to you on the way home). And Macau/Hong Kong was memorable!

I miss doing all those crazy things with you. I will never forget :

• The night I got drunk in Langkawi, I stepped on your foot by accident while I was crawling on the bed. Laughed my way to sleep.
• The lunch we had at that secluded japanese restaurant in Penang (and we thought they were closed!) It was worth the money!
• Snorkelling in Phi-phi (you taught me how to snorkel the right way)
• Bus Rides everywhere we go that are always full of something!
  
• the times when you held my hand and comforted me when we were on board, to and from Macau ( i'm sorry for all the gagging)
• the times we came inside the class late after lunch break (definitely my fault!)
• sleep-overs at your crib
• our first gig together

I want you to know that even if we're millions of miles away from each other, you are never forgotten. Take care always wherever the plane takes you. I'm proud of you and what you have achieved so far. You have really grown,far more better than the Lia I met a year ago. Love you always,my bitch,my twin,my lover,my best friend!

Saturday Morning Confession

You are by far one of the most irritating person I have ever met!
You want me to be independent yet you stop me by telling me that what I'm doing is not good enough. You want me to be independent but instead, you treat me like a retard. It's like you think I'm not capable of doing things. Why don't you just admit that you're just too scared,worried and terrified that we are growing up and you can't seem to accept that fact?

Could you please explain to me how everything really works?? Does it always have to be the I-Talk-You-Listen-No Questions attitude or the DO-AS-I- SAY-OR-ELSE-SUFFER way ?

How on earth are we going to have proper communication when we cant even get through you without having to kiss you ass? Huh, I'm sorry but that's the cold truth! You only listen when you think we deserve it.


You send out nonsense threats to scare me but I am just too tired to even bother if they are true or just one of your white lies. You know what hurts me the most? It's those words you bombard me with whenever you think you are right and I am wrong. But hey,who am i kidding?? You are always right! Or so you thought! You don't like to listen to what we have to say and you always think that every reason I give you are all a bunch of crap. I don't mind you being protective and all but this is just too much! I understand that you worry about me whenever I'm out and about but why can't you be a little more like mom? Just a little. I like the way you are but when it comes to certain things, I prefer talking to mom than having to face you. I don't know how and why you take my explanations as excuses.

Gawd I don't know how much of this I can take. For now, I'm done giving you 'excuses'. I'm done reaching out to you. Do whatever you want to do but don't let me catch you. Say whatever you want to say but be cautious of what you say. You're not always right you know.

If only you know how much I long for the day when you will accept me for who I am. I miss you. Things that happened made it harder for me to approach you and I can't even hug you whenever I want to cause of the ego I have for you.


Even though you annoy me,make me hate you sometimes but Dad, I want you to know that I appreciate you and the things you do,so much and I love you. Thank you for being our man of steel.

Today

Another week,another Thursday to be remembered. I'm not really in the mood to elaborate so I'm just gonna put it this way. Just so when I read this blog again, I will be reminded of this day. ONly I know what these scribbles below mean.

A moment so intense with emotion that can't be unleashed.

Wrote Our names on the wall.

Went crazy before,during and after dinner with colleagues.

Chapter One : Karlinzky

Sayang,

If only u know how much you mean to me. Pertemuan kita bukan satu kebetulan tapi takdir and I would like to think of it that way for as long as i live. I know people think that it's has been like a bullet train ride but I don't care about what they say. People may tell me to find someone who is taller,richer or financially stable but I don't give a fuck. I have you and I thank GOD for sending you into my life. Things have been better since I met you and eventhough it has been just a month, we have been through quite a lot together and I wouldn't mind going through good and bad times with you. I couldn't be more relieved that it was you who was always by my side. You met me on a time where I was on the verge of losing the ground that I stood in but you managed to save me from the quicksand of reality. U kept me stable when I was not and you kept me sane enough to be what I am. Most of all, you gave me back my self respect and I thank you for that.

Who could ever forget those moments? I still remember that rainy day you came to see me just to have lunch with me and you were soaking wet from the heavy rain. I saw you standing in one corner,shivering from the cold wind and waiting patiently for me.
How bout the time when you surprised me later that evening on the bus stop? And you kept telling me that you're not a romantic!

Most of the time it scares me that this is all too soon or too fast and it would end up the same way but like you always tell me when I'm down, " I'm by yourside no matter what". I pray hard everyday that this won't end up like my previous relationships but it's too soon to tell. I am very affraid of losing you and I'm affraid of losing my way. Always guide me so that i'll always be on the path that leads to where we want it to be.

I'm sorry if there are times when u felt or you would feel that I'm emotionally unavailable.I'm sorry for making you worry alot. I'm sorry if I have hurt you in any possible way.

I don't know how else I can put these words together cause I'm not much of a writer. I just want you to know that I love you and I cherish you.


Happy Monthsarry :)


Love,

Your One & Only.