May 4, 2009

Whether anyone reads this or not is not a fucking big deal.

I wish everyday was a holiday. Not the kind of holiday though where you don't get to work and stuff but that feeling you get when you're in a holiday. Carefree..nothing much to worry about..but then again, that wouldn't be labeled as "living",would it? As usual, I have a fuck load of things floating in my mind right now and I don't even know where to start. Should I talk about the first thing that crosses my mind? Yes?! No?! Gosh..if it wasn't for these stupid emotions though, I wouldn't be alive . Yet there are just times when I feel like abstinence from emotion is the best antidote. If anyone reads this, they're probably baffled about what I'm really trying to convey but whatever.. If they think I'm talking crap then they would have left my page even before they finished reading this sentence but to those who didn't, Kudos to them for putting up with me and my issues. First of all, lets start with something really easy . Let's talk about my day for instance (sigh). I woke up with the sound of my alarm and it kind of surprised me that I did wake up but then I fell asleep again so I wasn't that proud of myself . I woke up at 7.09am instead of 6.30am. Gives me the guilty feeling cause due to my lethargic state of mind, she was late for work. Weird thing was, I wasn't late and I'm the one who works further away from her. Work was alright and there's nothing much that I want to talk about when it comes to that so let's just move on with the story. Ok, so after work Bie and I decided to go for a short food trip and the next thing we know, we were in front of Pavilion. I had no idea why we were so eager to go there in the first place. Perhaps it was just another camouflage that my head thought of . Another reason to remind myself of the times I spent with my dear beau there (sigh). We were walking around Food Republic when I came across the shop that I had been eying on for several times every time we went there. Aah, there they were..on a white plastic tray. Waiting for me to look on their way. It took me quite some time to notice how adorable they were and I did have second thoughts on getting them. My gluttony was telling me that it couldn't wait to devour it but my sensible head was telling me not to buy it as it would only make me feel bad about spending a lot for that certain thing. To no avail, I followed my gluttony instead and decided to buy them. The tiny ones cost me RM 1.23 per piece and the small sized once was RM 1.90 per piece. I bought myself 6 pieces of those sweet sin and I had to pay RM 8.72 in total. I just took 2 of the small sized ones and the other 4 was tiny. I felt really dreadful afterward cause I knew it was too expensive for m sensible head to accept. It was yet another battle of the heart and head. Damn it! I just calmed myself by telling myself that it was alright and perhaps it was worth it cuz they were delicious but my head was still fighting back. Here are some of the pics by the way,in case you were wondering how they looked like. The icing was a bit melted though from the heat and it was a lil disarranged from the travel back home . It's not that I don't like them or anything but I really got to spend my money like how I used to. Why can I save RM10 then and not now? Gluttony! That's why!! Grrrr...

Talking about food sure made me forget my main concern. Yeah i still have a lot of things to talk about. Damn! That's the price you pay for not blogging for a long time! Pfftt! Okay, next point : FUTURE. I don't hate that word either but thinking too much about it scares the shit out of me. Even though I did achieve quite a few things in life that I could be proud of but it's never enough. Why? It's all thanks to the ever growing demand of higher education qualifications and parental/personal standards. Screw it all,if you ask me. I'm just stuck in a stuppa . Unable to determine my next step. I want to continue my studies for degree but I just have a lot of questions about that . And talk about money!! 1 course could cost you a fortune. And yeah i know, people might think " what's all the worry? She's working, her parents can afford it bla bla bla" but the reality is, it's never enough. The biggest hurdle? I can't even apply for an edu load just because I'm not a Malaysian. Do you honestly think it's easy being a foreigner ? Perhaps it would be if we were among the Expat circle of life! Pftt..puhleasee! My parents aren't into those sort of things!But what do they have to worry about? They have heaps of money to spend anyways! Downside of it is though,the kids get weirder and perhaps snootier ha ha!! No offense! I am thankful for the life God has given me but,just like any humans would feel,it is still not enough. With the amount of pressure I have on my shoulders to burden, how am I gonna get through this? Bie and I still have to keep up to the 'high standards' that our cousins have set and which my mother takes pride at. Nothing would happen if i just kept on talking and not doing anything about it though so I better just shut up and start doing something about it. I just have to make sure Bie gets to college soon. For her sake, I would sacrifice my own priorities just so she could get to a higher level. Oh damn..This is one helluva-long blog. Or maybe not..but anyhow, lets change the topic again. Pics below were taken on Rachael's last day in the office. I am definitely gonna miss that Baby!

Speaking of Baby, click this link or just press "play on the widget" to check out the song that my beau has done. He gave it to me as a birthday pressie together with another valuable material ( P & C ,mind you! ) It was taken from a poem that meant a lot to him, which i wrote entitled Midnight.

And check-out some of the pics from my Birthday too! We had dinner at Bangkok Conexxion & hung out at the lounge bar in Corus Hotel. Tita's aquaintances were the entertainers there so I had a complimentary get-ur-ass-up-on-stage-and-we'll-sing-you-happy-birthday treatment hehe! Drinks courtesy by my beloved Tito Orly whom I look up to as father figure number 2!

Last but not least, I effin love this girl for standing out among the rest! Cheers and Kudos to Salin for having a tremendous talent! Keep up the good work!

Oh Well, I think that's about it for the day!
Till next time...