The Sayangs

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Watashiwa..

My Japanese name is Ayano Ando.

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Did this out of boredom..

All because of myspace

This is beginning to annoy me! Every single week since ntah bila, we became more apart from each other. You might think I'm happy but the fact is, im not. You might think I don't give a shit about what you do but you are damn wrong! How can I be happy when you are so far away from me and the only thing that helps us communicate is unbearably fucked up ?
You don't know how I feel when your not here. Just because I look and seem happy it doesn't mean I am happy. I worry and think about you every single minute of the day yet you think that I don't?

I thought you trusted me? I thought you loved me? Now it's like you don't even want to talk to me. Where did I go wrong? Tell me. Talk to me cause you're not the only one hurt!

Every time you do this, I feel hurt inside. It's just like a mirror that broke into pieces. Think about it. All I did was love you. Didn't mean to dishonor you or mistreat you. I couldn't do that because I love you. Still wish you feel the same way too. Don't wanna lose you but I felt you drift apart and it makes me sad just thinking about it. Why? Did it all go down the drain? Am i not important anymore? Gosh!

Whatever happened to 'Karlinzky' ?

Missing

Here I am,in front of the computer,missing a bunch of people and thinking about them.

1. Karl = I miss us. I miss being around you,beside you,near you. You really do light up my life.

2. Mimi = I miss bitching around with you. I miss looking at your gorgeous smile and your infectious laugh. I miss talking to you and yeah phone conversations are never enough!

3. Aliah = If only u knew how different I feel without you here. You're so far away that it scares me to even think of losing you. I miss our 'dates' and I miss holding your hand while we pretend to be gay.

4. Bebot = Never will I forget you,ever! I miss talking to you too. Where have you been? Whatever it is, I will always be here for you. Just reach out.

Kawan

What ever happened to the my clique during my senior years in high school? A part of me still miss them but they don't seem to care anymore if we still keep in touch or not. It makes me sad to think that I miss them but they seem to have forgotten all the craziness and fun that we have all done together. Well, that's what I think. Come on! How on earth will you know if they do think of you as much as you think about them? Well..unless they tell you that they do! Durh!


Yeah sure we all have our own lives now. I can't even keep up with the who,where,and what in their lives. Oh well..no harm done anyways. We'll just catch up with each other when we meet. I'm happy if their happy and so far I'm happy with my life. I just want them to know that even though years have passed, I still do cherish everything we have done together. Still miss them and think about them..like right now..


Another thing that I noticed..lately..or since last year (i think).. I realized that I gain more guy friends than girl friends..what's different about hanging out with guys and being friends with them is that they are the least to betray you or back stab you. But nothing beats girl besties! They are the best you can ever have or ask for!

Mimi, Lia, Lexa,June,Angel : Love you!!!

The Helper (The Two)

I took an Enneagram Test Online and this is the result. About 90% of the descriptions are accurate according to my presonality. Read and understand (lol):

The Helper (the Two)

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me

• Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
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• Share fun times with me.
• Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
• Let me know that I am important and special to you.
• Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships

• Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
• Reassure me often that you love me.
• Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Two

• being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
• knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
• being generous, caring, and warm
• being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
• being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two

• not being able to say no
• having low self-esteem
• feeling drained from overdoing for others
• not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
• criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
• being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
• working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often

• are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
• try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
• are outwardly compliant
• are popular or try to be popular with other children
• act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
• are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents

• are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
• are often playful with their children
• wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
• can become fiercely protective

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

wanna take the test? follow this link. http://www.9types.com/newtest/homepage.actual.html

Eventful.Doubtful.Wasteful.

Yesterday was a long day for me. Eventful yet quite tiresome.

As I always do every Saturday, I woke up early with the 'work mode' on the back of my head. Had around 2 hours of sleep due to an emotional sharing session which I totally appreciated (thanks Shook for sharing and you know I'm always here to listen *smile*). I thought I was gonna be late for work but I was wrong. I wasn't in the mood to dress myself up like what I always do every weekend so I just wore my black mini balloon skirt that Ginger gave me last year and a top that screams out 'naughty girl in nice wrappings' (by Ed & Edd). To top it off, I wore my fave pair of sneakers. I totally felt like a stranger to myself but whatever! Ok, so I arrived in the office at around 8.30 a.m and there was no one in sight. Even the grills were closed but good thing I managed to open it. I went to the pantry and started munching on a piece of bread that i bought. Nothing much happened after that except for the constant arrivals of my colleagues and then work.

I got out of the office at almost 2pm. I thought I wasn't gonna see him but I did. It sure made my day and I had the chance to give him that lil summin I bought for him while i was gift shopping for my god sister's birthday. We had lunch together at the same place where we wrote our names on the wall but it wasn't at the same table. Who cares anyway?! Oh, I never thought that one moment would happen but it did. Something just pushed me to utter a line that I can never forget. " I can only taste the lemon on my lips and nothing else....wanna taste it too?" Does that sound funny or what? Come to think of it, it's a pretty funny line to use but it worked. Made me giggle though. I'm not gonna kiss and tell about what happened next cause it would just ruin the whole memory and besides, it's between me and him.

I arrived home around 4 p.m. I had to rush a little cause we we're going to the birthday party. We arrived at the scene around 6pm i guess. The party hasn't even started yet. Everything began a few minutes before 8. It was alright at the beginning. Food was good too,as always! The only thing that made it enjoyable was the booze. I may not be a heavy drinker but it was my source of entertainment. Seeing drunk people talk crap and do interesting things in front of me is always priceless. Yes of course my parents were there and they don't mind me drinking but even though they don't mind,there were still obvious doubts about what I was doing. I just had 2 glasses of Club 99 and a shot of tequila ( i was just gettin started!) with some homeboys when my dad told me off everyone there. It was down right embarrassing. I didn't do anything wrong and I was perfectly fine -and I mean it! I wasn't drunk! He,on the other hand thought I was and he started to hate what he saw. After he told me off, i stopped drinking but I was still at the table (with my sister ) talking to them. Whenever he approaches, he would snoop around and there was this one time when he raised his voice and told me off again. Ok, the first was alright and acceptable but this time, I wasn't even drinking and for him to do that was down right lame and retarded. The thing is, I was just talking and a glass full of liquor that belonged to the person sitting beside me (who wasn't there at that time) was in front of me. Talk about judging things too soon!
After those two incidents, I lost my mood to even talk and have fun. I just sat there,listened to all of them (including the host) laugh around. Dad was there too,sipping on his tea with a displeased look on his face. Time passed and by 1a.m,we were going off already. Too bad we couldn't stay. maybe that was another reason why he wouldn't let us sleep over. On the way to the car,during the 'bye-bye.see u next time" session, my dad over-heard one homeboy (that i was talking to previously) telling me to drop by his work place some time if I'm free. He told me off again inside the car. I was just nodding my head and smiling when the guy told me. I wasn't serious on planning to meet up with him. No way! I'd rather go out with my sayang than him. My dad thought I was really going to meet up with the guy so he said "don't you dare or else you're done with!". What the fuck !!!! Why am i always misjudged?
Last night was just a screw up. I never thought it would end up like that. He was telling me off from the car to the house. What a joyride!
I know why he acted that way. He was just protecting me and all. I value that but why can't he be less tense about it? He seriously doesn't know me and my sister well. First of, I don't go for those types of guys and secondly, I'm not 'that' type of girl. Think I'm cheap? I'll smack your face in return! I hate it when people (including my own parents) give me wrong perceptions. It's just fucking retarded that people judge other people based on their current behavior. What's happening now and how that person deals with it varies from time to time. It doesn't give people the right to judge them quickly. Helloooooo! I'm trying to think from both sides here! I know and understand how parents would feel if their kid is behaving weirdly than what they are accustomed with. My dad reacted way over the matter and I defended me and my sister with the type of manner that can seem to be rude. Yes I know it's my fault too and I admit it. Just don't tell me this again mom," your cousins aren't like that!". You don't have any idea how their lifestyle is so quit pretending that you know them very well! That goes to you too dad! I know and realize that I'm not the most descent girl you can meet but at least I know boundaries and limits. There are other girls out there that are worse than me and my sis. Oh, I forgot,why would you care ?They aren't your responsibilities anyway!

And to my sayang, I'm sorry about last night..the drinking and all. I understand that you felt what dad felt.Forgive me.I didn't mean to upset you. I know I have upset you plenty of times and I'm sorry. I ♥ you.