September 29, 2008

A day in the life

What a day! I'm tired,hungry and lonely.

First off, this thing that I go through almost everyday with my dad is burdening me. He won't understand. HE will never hear me out. On the way to the bus stop where I wait every single day, a friend called. I was too annoyed to answer the call. It rang twice. "Aren't you gonna answer the call? ", dad said. " Malas nak jawab. It's my choice whether i wanna answer it or not." Yeah that's what I said. "Kenapa tak nak angkat pula? Kenapa malas pulak?" Ujarnya lagi. I stepped out of the car with a big sigh. I hate it when he snoops around.

I waited and waited but it didn't take long before a white small car stopped in front of me. It was my bus mate. He offered to take me to work since he was going the same way). What was I thinking?? I mean, I barely know the person but I just plunged in? What would sayang say?? He seems to be alright though. Old enough to be someone's uncle or father. Before I accepted the offer, a part of me held back but just the thought of being late scared me enough to jump in. I arrived safe and sound though. I thanked him and got out of the car. Took a deep breath and thank God I was fine. I crossed the busy road with only sayang on my mind. How I wish he could hold my hand while we cross like he always does. The hope and thought of seing him during lunch made me happy and my worries went away for a while. Before going inside the office, I bought myself two peices of bread for breakfast. Time passed and my cramps were kicking in like shit.

It was already 12 pm. The cramps were still there and it made me feel really pissed. I looked behind me and told my lunch buddy and colleague that I was going out with someone for lunch. it was weird though cause she seemed to not care about who i was having lunch with. It's like she was tired of listening to all my 'dear diary tales'. Before I could turn back to my computer screen,she stopped me and reminded me to be careful with what I do. I am still on probation after all and she just told me to watch my actions carefully. That moment hit me like Hurricane Katrina. It got me on the ground again. I knew I was procrastinating at some point but not to the extent where I wasn't doing any work at all. Oh no siree! But I thank her for getting me back on the ground again. I nodded and responded with a worried smile and finally turned my head to the computer. With a lot of things and worries in my mind, I continued working on the links that I had to fix. Still a long way to go. The clock struck 1 and I was relieved to get out and breathe some fresh air. I went down but he wasn't there like he promissed. " Must be on his way," I muttered. I redialed and redialed until I got tired pressing the keypad. When i reached the restaurant, I recieved a text. I was wrong about him being late. He wasn't gonna show up at all. Turns out that he just woke up from his slumber. I was disappointed. I just despise it when people tell me that they will do things and that it seemed to be for certain when it's actually not.
Anyhow,my afternoon was better than what I went through earlier I guess.

He's home now. So am I. I arrived an hour ago,knackered. I miss him a lot. Tomorrow might be a long day and I won't get to see him at all. I don't even know when. I just feel so distant lately. It's like he's distant from me. Always busy hanging out and sleeping late,very late! It's not that I don't want him to hang out with his friends or whatever it is that guys do but I just don't like how his friends treat him. They don't seem to appreciate him and all. I just don't like it when they tease him a lot. I care helluva lot about him. I can't stand seing him sad and lonely or alone. If I could, I'd do everything to cheer him up when he feels down. Sayang, I don't want to lose you at all. I hope you understand that I get mad at you at times cause I care about you and I love you.What i feel for you is possibly as deep as the earth's core and I don't like it when anyone hurts you inside. Sorry for being such a bitch at times (that includes the times I bombard you with mean texts or words) and thank you for accepting me,flaws and all. When we don't talk to each other, you are still in my mind and it gets more painful the longer we keep quiet.

if your love was all i have in this life,that would be enough until the end of time. rest your weary heart and relax your mind.. - Justin Timberlake's Until The end of Time

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