September 29, 2008

A day in the life

What a day! I'm tired,hungry and lonely.

First off, this thing that I go through almost everyday with my dad is burdening me. He won't understand. HE will never hear me out. On the way to the bus stop where I wait every single day, a friend called. I was too annoyed to answer the call. It rang twice. "Aren't you gonna answer the call? ", dad said. " Malas nak jawab. It's my choice whether i wanna answer it or not." Yeah that's what I said. "Kenapa tak nak angkat pula? Kenapa malas pulak?" Ujarnya lagi. I stepped out of the car with a big sigh. I hate it when he snoops around.

I waited and waited but it didn't take long before a white small car stopped in front of me. It was my bus mate. He offered to take me to work since he was going the same way). What was I thinking?? I mean, I barely know the person but I just plunged in? What would sayang say?? He seems to be alright though. Old enough to be someone's uncle or father. Before I accepted the offer, a part of me held back but just the thought of being late scared me enough to jump in. I arrived safe and sound though. I thanked him and got out of the car. Took a deep breath and thank God I was fine. I crossed the busy road with only sayang on my mind. How I wish he could hold my hand while we cross like he always does. The hope and thought of seing him during lunch made me happy and my worries went away for a while. Before going inside the office, I bought myself two peices of bread for breakfast. Time passed and my cramps were kicking in like shit.

It was already 12 pm. The cramps were still there and it made me feel really pissed. I looked behind me and told my lunch buddy and colleague that I was going out with someone for lunch. it was weird though cause she seemed to not care about who i was having lunch with. It's like she was tired of listening to all my 'dear diary tales'. Before I could turn back to my computer screen,she stopped me and reminded me to be careful with what I do. I am still on probation after all and she just told me to watch my actions carefully. That moment hit me like Hurricane Katrina. It got me on the ground again. I knew I was procrastinating at some point but not to the extent where I wasn't doing any work at all. Oh no siree! But I thank her for getting me back on the ground again. I nodded and responded with a worried smile and finally turned my head to the computer. With a lot of things and worries in my mind, I continued working on the links that I had to fix. Still a long way to go. The clock struck 1 and I was relieved to get out and breathe some fresh air. I went down but he wasn't there like he promissed. " Must be on his way," I muttered. I redialed and redialed until I got tired pressing the keypad. When i reached the restaurant, I recieved a text. I was wrong about him being late. He wasn't gonna show up at all. Turns out that he just woke up from his slumber. I was disappointed. I just despise it when people tell me that they will do things and that it seemed to be for certain when it's actually not.
Anyhow,my afternoon was better than what I went through earlier I guess.

He's home now. So am I. I arrived an hour ago,knackered. I miss him a lot. Tomorrow might be a long day and I won't get to see him at all. I don't even know when. I just feel so distant lately. It's like he's distant from me. Always busy hanging out and sleeping late,very late! It's not that I don't want him to hang out with his friends or whatever it is that guys do but I just don't like how his friends treat him. They don't seem to appreciate him and all. I just don't like it when they tease him a lot. I care helluva lot about him. I can't stand seing him sad and lonely or alone. If I could, I'd do everything to cheer him up when he feels down. Sayang, I don't want to lose you at all. I hope you understand that I get mad at you at times cause I care about you and I love you.What i feel for you is possibly as deep as the earth's core and I don't like it when anyone hurts you inside. Sorry for being such a bitch at times (that includes the times I bombard you with mean texts or words) and thank you for accepting me,flaws and all. When we don't talk to each other, you are still in my mind and it gets more painful the longer we keep quiet.

if your love was all i have in this life,that would be enough until the end of time. rest your weary heart and relax your mind.. - Justin Timberlake's Until The end of Time

September 27, 2008

A Note to Lia

You definitely know how much I miss you. I tell you that every time we talk on the phone and whenever we chat online but today, I missed you more than ever. Knowing that you are much further away than where you normally are, I couldn't help but think about how you're doing. IS it too cold there? Are people nice with you? Yes I know you are strong and you are very capable of taking care of yourself but it's just different when we're together.

I can't believe how things change so quickly and how time flies. First time we met, you were really quiet but you gave me a warm smile and an approachable look. The closer we were, the more inseparable we became. A year has passed since we met and never have I regret meeting someone like you.Oh,babe I'm counting on the day that I will see you again!

We have been through a lot of things together and girl, you sure know how to react when I put on my long face especially when I'm starving! I admit,there are times when I'd rather shout at you or ignore you whenever I get cranky but I know that you understand and I thank you for that. It's a normal thing that friends go through anyways! Just the thought of what we've done together brings a smile to my face. Having you by my side during our trips helped me feel more comfortable and at the same time more energetic cause I know that we're always on the same page! Penang & Langkawi was great! Thailand was crazy as shit fun even though we did have a minor argument (made me not talk to you on the way home). And Macau/Hong Kong was memorable!

I miss doing all those crazy things with you. I will never forget :

  • The night I got drunk in Langkawi, I stepped on your foot by accident while I was crawling on the bed. Laughed my way to sleep.
  • The lunch we had at that secluded japanese restaurant in Penang (and we thought they were closed!) It was worth the money!
  • Snorkelling in Phi-phi (you taught me how to snorkel the right way)
  • Bus Rides everywhere we go that are always full of something!
  • the times when you held my hand and comforted me when we were on board, to and from Macau ( i'm sorry for all the gagging)
  • the times we came inside the class late after lunch break (definitely my fault!)
  • sleep-overs at your crib
  • our first gig together

I want you to know that even if we're millions of miles away from each other, you are never forgotten. Take care always wherever the plane takes you. I'm proud of you and what you have achieved so far. You have really grown,far more better than the Lia I met a year ago. Love you always,my bitch,my twin,my lover,my best friend!

Saturday Morning Confession

You are by far one of the most irritating person I have ever met!
You want me to be independent yet you stop me by telling me that what I'm doing is not good enough. You want me to be independent but instead, you treat me like a retard. It's like you think I'm not capable of doing things. Why don't you just admit that you're just too scared,worried and terrified that we are growing up and you can't seem to accept that fact?

Could you please explain to me how everything really works?? Does it always have to be the I-Talk-You-Listen-No Questions attitude or the DO-AS-I- SAY-OR-ELSE-SUFFER way ?

How on earth are we going to have proper communication when we cant even get through you without having to kiss you ass? Huh, I'm sorry but that's the cold truth! You only listen when you think we deserve it.

You send out nonsense threats to scare me but I am just too tired to even bother if they are true or just one of your white lies. You know what hurts me the most? It's those words you bombard me with whenever you think you are right and I am wrong. But hey,who am i kidding?? You are always right! Or so you thought! You don't like to listen to what we have to say and you always think that every reason I give you are all a bunch of crap. I don't mind you being protective and all but this is just too much! I understand that you worry about me whenever I'm out and about but why can't you be a little more like mom? Just a little. I like the way you are but when it comes to certain things, I prefer talking to mom than having to face you. I don't know how and why you take my explanations as excuses.

Gawd I don't know how much of this I can take. For now, I'm done giving you 'excuses'. I'm done reaching out to you. Do whatever you want to do but don't let me catch you. Say whatever you want to say but be cautious of what you say. You're not always right you know.

If only you know how much I long for the day when you will accept me for who I am. I miss you. Things that happened made it harder for me to approach you and I can't even hug you whenever I want to cause of the ego I have for you.

Even though you annoy me,make me hate you sometimes but Dad, I want you to know that I appreciate you and the things you do,so much and I love you. Thank you for being our man of steel.

September 25, 2008


Another week,another Thursday to be remembered. I'm not really in the mood to elaborate so I'm just gonna put it this way. Just so when I read this blog again, I will be reminded of this day. ONly I know what these scribbles below mean.

A moment so intense with emotion that can't be unleashed.

Wrote Our names on the wall.

Went crazy before,during and after dinner with colleagues.

September 23, 2008

Chapter One : Karlinzky


If only u know how much you mean to me. Pertemuan kita bukan satu kebetulan tapi takdir and I would like to think of it that way for as long as i live. I know people think that it's has been like a bullet train ride but I don't care about what they say. People may tell me to find someone who is taller,richer or financially stable but I don't give a fuck. I have you and I thank GOD for sending you into my life. Things have been better since I met you and eventhough it has been just a month, we have been through quite a lot together and I wouldn't mind going through good and bad times with you. I couldn't be more relieved that it was you who was always by my side. You met me on a time where I was on the verge of losing the ground that I stood in but you managed to save me from the quicksand of reality. U kept me stable when I was not and you kept me sane enough to be what I am. Most of all, you gave me back my self respect and I thank you for that.

Who could ever forget those moments? I still remember that rainy day you came to see me just to have lunch with me and you were soaking wet from the heavy rain. I saw you standing in one corner,shivering from the cold wind and waiting patiently for me.
How bout the time when you surprised me later that evening on the bus stop? And you kept telling me that you're not a romantic!

Most of the time it scares me that this is all too soon or too fast and it would end up the same way but like you always tell me when I'm down, " I'm by yourside no matter what". I pray hard everyday that this won't end up like my previous relationships but it's too soon to tell. I am very affraid of losing you and I'm affraid of losing my way. Always guide me so that i'll always be on the path that leads to where we want it to be.

I'm sorry if there are times when u felt or you would feel that I'm emotionally unavailable.I'm sorry for making you worry alot. I'm sorry if I have hurt you in any possible way.

I don't know how else I can put these words together cause I'm not much of a writer. I just want you to know that I love you and I cherish you.

Happy Monthsarry :)


Your One & Only.