November 23, 2008

A week

It's been a week since we parted. And although it has been a week, it feels more like a long time because before he told me he was leaving, we haven't seen each other for a month. He was very preoccupied and things didn't really go our way. *sigh*

Only those who really know what was going on understand how I feel and how much I miss him. But then again, life must go on no matter how fucked up it gets. I've been really busy with work,too many things on my mind and I feel like my life is currently not in order. Christmas is just around the corner yet I don't feel the Christmas spirit anywhere. I feel like this year,it would be lonely or maybe a boring one. I don't know .

It has been quite a tough week for me. With our newly opened travel cafe, I always had to run here and there and even though there weren't much customer but just making sure the place is a-ok is a challenge. The place is good though. I mean,the environment of the travel cafe. Somehow classic and classy. Jeez! with too many things on my mind right now, I can't seem to focus on writing this blog. My wrists are killing me. B t dubs, here are some pics of me,my colleagues and the travel cafe for your viewing pleasure :P

Till next time.


November 19, 2008

I Hate


Who :

1. Break Promises
Yeah I told the people that are close to me about this a lot of times and they know I hate people who keep promises and end up breaking them. Yup,especially MEN! Promising things are quite scary ( does that mean i have a problem with commitment???).

2. (Are) Disrespectful to women
Call me a sexist or a feminist but this is a hard fact. Men nowadays treat women badly most of the time. As a test, try riding a full bus and stand up in front of a guy. Notice how he will ignore you even with your 3 inch heels on! I have nothing against equal rights but hey, what ever happened to the old 'damsel in distress' concept? Sure,now women are much more stronger and powerful than the ones from the past but hey, cut us some slack! We probably work more than you do! And oh, I'm not being traditional here. I'm just trying to reach out to guys out there to act more like a gentleman rather than a brute.

3. (Are) Abusive
Out of all the things that I hate, this is definitely in my top list! I can't stand it when a man is abusive to his other half (girlfriend/wife). May it be verbally or physically (especially physically). This thing really pisses me off. How could a man even dare to raise his hand to a woman?? That is fucking barbaric! One of my friends recently broke up with her beau of two years and it ended in a really bad way. They had a fight because he can't accept the fact that she's leaving him for another (who happens to be much better than him & definitely more understanding) and she ended up with bruises on her one arm and well,it was quite traumatic. She's a tough chic though so whenever he became violent , she'd fight back and damn,she hit him good! Serves him right. She totally made the right decision. How could she even bear with the guy for two years? He cheated on her twice when they were together! Glad to hear that he is out of the picture though . That fucking turd!
Verbal abuse is as bad but the effect is more can be long term . I mean, If you hit someone,all that person gets are bruises and it will eventually go away but if you hurt someone verbally, it might stay with that person for ages which can possibly lead to mental abuse. Err..

4. Untrue / Cheaters
I am aware that girls do this too but guys do it twice as much as the chics. If you do not wish to suffer equally or worse, then don't even think about doing it. Frankly speaking, guys can cheat girls for the lamest,stupidest reason but hey, that's how the cookie crumbles! Ladies, let's just face the fact that MEN will always be MEN. That will never change. Like it is somehow genetically implanted on their brains or something! *Sigh* LOL!

5. Takes advantage of women
Ok, if a girl gets friendly with a guy,it's better NOT to assume that she's into him. This is weird and I know how it feels. There's a difference between being friendly and giving the signs for something more than friendship. What I'm trying to say is, I hate it when guys harass girls cause they think the girl is okay with it. But I can't just put the blame on the guy cause sometimes, girls just give out the wrong signals. LOL..Oh well,that's life! I better stop before I end up saying something really unpleasant.

6. Has Too Much Ego
Everyone knows that this is true. Too much masochism and ego can destroy a man. imagine what it can do to a relationship.

I have things to say about girls too but for now this is all what my head asked me to do. It's not easy being a girl and there are things I hate about girls. Nevertheless, I love being a girl. Oh well, back to work.

P.S; This urge to smoke is killing me!! I don't want to cause I wanna quit for good but a part of me wants to. Nooooooooo I don't want to smoke. I'm gonna try and try to stop myself. It's for my own good anyways. And i know most men hate women who smoke!

Till next time.

ShaLyndz Ayano ( haha)

November 15, 2008

Like Avril's Song...

"So much for my happy ending.."

Yet another dull Saturday. Unlike last week where I had all the fun in the world,this saturday was somehow dark and gloomy. It rained almost the whole day and there's just something weird about everybody's aura.

I hate this. This feeling.Always left alone in the dark like an old gramophone forgotten by time. Here I am,pouring my heart out and still quite numb from what hit me. The first thought that came across my mind was " why?" and " is it really over??"

I received an offline message from him a few hours ago,telling me that he is calling it quits - in other words,he wanted to dump me. He wanted to talk to me but I wasn't online. I was outside my room,eating,relaxing my tired mind and I was watching tv. Imagine if you were in my shoes. Picture out this scenario (the summary of my day) :

I had to change the dates manually from the 400+ pieces of fliers that was meant to be distributed today for our travel cafe opening next week. Although one of my colleagues helped me alter the dates, it was still time consuming and it did hurt my neck . That was what I did from 9 a.m til 1pm. After work, I had to go to the soon to be opened cafe to set up the decorations,the utensils and call our bread supplier to tell him that we postponed the delivery out of that place a few minutes before 6. Tired, quite hungry and eager to go home. I didn't even had a proper lunch that noon. Ceci just invited me to share some of her food cause she couldn't finish it. Before I could head home, I went to the mall to buy something for the birthday girl and got out of there at around 7.30pm. I walked over to the bus stop which was quite far and painstakingly waited for the bus to arrive. When I got home, I had my dinner,watched tv & took a bath. When I turned my YM on, that message that I mentioned above popped up.

'Case study' : You thought everything was fine between the two of you. No fights whatsoever. Nothing. You understood that he/she was busy and you didn't want to violate his /her consentration so,you just kept quiet but you still text every once in a while,making sure that he/she knows you still care even though it hurts when he makes you feel like he/she doesn't care about you anymore. All you ever did was to be the best for him/her by being patient and understanding. And oh yeah, you were a lil busy too. Now, if you were me, would this puzzle you? Would this matter make you think "why?where did i go wrong? did i miss out on something?"

If you answered "YES!" then thank you for understanding how confused I am. Even right now, as I type these words..I am emotionaly unstable. One moment I'm ok and then the next thing you know,I'm already crying. All I can say is, I tried my best to be the best for him. I loved him and I respected him but then I guess he doesn't love me anymore. There's always a reason for every action. I think and I'd rather not know why he left. It might just hurt me more if he told me why. It's best to just let it be. Move on with life.

It sickens me on how people can say things like " I will never let go of you that easily" and " I will never leave you". Those are just candies that you are meant to enjoy until it melts away. There will always be an ending to a destination even though the roads are devided,there is only one road that leads to happiness.

Will this be my 1oth failed relationship??

the confused and numb

November 9, 2008



Last night was a blast! We had dinner at Crocodile Farm Seafood Restaurant with the mob (lol) and then headed to Holliday Villa after sending the under age kids home. We extended the celebrations there. The food at the restaurant was lovely and I had a glass of wine as a starter . To top it all off, the birthday cake was devine since it was from Secret Recipe (my fave!). My sister told me that the wine tasted like vinegar but I just laughed. With a lot of things going through my mind, I just tried to set it all aside and focus on havin fun. And I did have fun..too much of it!

Ok so we arrived in Holliday Villa around 11.30-ish and came home at 2 in the morning. Finally! After more than a month of not having excessive alcohol in my system! I got to drink and I drank more than what I usually do. Mom was tipsy and dad was too but not as tipsy as she was. Oh and the dance floor was ours haha!! Damn, the last time I did summin like that was a year ago..that long! LMAO! There were times when I got tipsy and almost felt like throwing up but it went away after a few minutes. I like dancin with Tito Jo & Tita Lani. Dancin' with my sister is fun too because we couldn't care much about what people think. On the way home my sis and I slept the whole time we were in the car. I opened my eyes and we were already reached our destination.

I'd love to elaborate more about that night but I'm to sleepy and tired. And well, you can't express things are beyond words. To sum it all up, I had fun!

Goodnight. Till next time.

November 8, 2008

Pen & 2 Papers

Note before you read : This was written hours before I posted it here. The ones that are written at the time of posting will be in bold font.

Time : 1412 hours.
Location : Kenny Roger's Berjaya Times Square.

I just finished eating my 1/4 Meal set and now I'm munching on my favorite banana muffin and sippin' on my ice lemon tea. I'm not suppose to be alone right now but I'm left with not much choice. So, here I am,sitting all alone writing my heart out while I observe the people around me. Right now, there's a lady who's with her boyfriend,sitting in front of my table. Oh, the guy left her alone for a while and she seems to be in a text conversation while he is away. I could see her smile widely but then that smile turned into a blank stare whenever she finishes replying the text. She must be in deep thought. Oh,she's smiling again..

I'd love to stay here,in this mall a little longer just to pass the time but I can't because I have to go somewhere else later today. My dad even reminded me to come home early (as usual) . That became another reason why I'm not bothered of asking anyone out. What's the point of hangin' out if it was just for an hour or two?? It won't be much fun. Hmm..maybe next week would be okay. The ones I called & texted earlier today are nowhere near the city anyways. They are either lying in bed,showering,still sleeping,studying or busy with assignments. Oh well, at least my boredom kinda went away for awhile with the calls & texts that I made.

Anyways, I wish he was here right now. It just feels effin different when he is not around. I know he wont be coming though. He must be still asleep or even if he wasn't he's probably busy doing his assignments or just getting ready for his final exams. I understand what he is going through right now but I know I'm not on top of his priority list at them moment. It kinda bothers me because I really feel abandoned,empty and left out in the dark. There were moments where I feel like i don't matter anymore and that I'm not worth his time anymore. I mean like last time, he wouldn't whine about seeing me even for a short time but lately all he do is well..let's just say he's been immature lately. Most people around me have told me that "if you love someone,no matter how busy you are, you would still find the time to be with them. At least you know things are okay between you two." But in my case?? It's below par. Oh well, what's a girl to do?? My sister once told me ,"maybe he's bored of you?" and all I did was look at her anxiously & doubtfully.

Things like this always gets me thinking of why I'm still hanging around even when I'm mistreated but hey,who ever said that love was a bed of roses?! They are probably delusional! With every heart that we glorify,there is bound to be a bruised and broken heart on another corner and it occurs as an aftermath of our action. I guess the answer to why I'm still around is because deep down inside,I'm still pretty much in love with him and it would be fucking stupid to leave just because of a small challenge. i just wish that things would go back to normal soon. God knows how much I miss him. I miss his presence. The feeling when he holds me close,when he grabs my hand and holds it firmly like he won't ever let go & the thing I miss the most are the times when I make him laugh.

Omigosh!It's 2.43 p.m. I better be off soon before I get a crank-call' from my dad. Damn it, I don't fancy his calls cause it always sounds strict & offensive but I'm kinda used to that haha! The almost full restaurant is almost empty now. The peak lunch hour has passed and all that are left are the late eaters & snack munchers. I really gotta bounce now. Besides, it's getting kinda uncomfortable here.

...................... hours later ...................................
A few minutes after arriving the station, I waited for my dad & sis to come pick me up. From the station, we had a quick stop-over at a nearby mall to buy Tita's birthday pressie & some groceries. I'm home now but I'll be out again in a few minutes. Dinner with my extended family. It's Tita's birthday. Till next time!


P/s : Birthday Shout-out to My beloved Tita Lorna. Happy Birthday!Stay the same! We ♥ you so much & you have been like a mother to me.
My 2nd mommy, Ti Voglio Bene!

November 7, 2008


"Dear God, thank you for the day that you have given me. And thank you for making me a better person."

I am a girl with a lot of things going through my mind. It is rarely empty for it is always full of thoughts that can sometimes lead to an OCD like symptom. It has been helluva week for me. Been clumsy and distracted too lately. Relationships rekindled and reviewed, self evaluations and family matters revised or revisited. Yeah, it has been that way lately. It is kinda like a soul searching process for me. *Haha* A never ending one!

Today was unlike any other day. It won't be the same as tomorrow but it is definitely different than the previous days and totally out of my daily routine. In conjunction with our soon to be opened lifestyle cafe, I spent half of my day in work with my other colleagues learning how to make the blended beverages & smoothies that will be up on sale by next week (tentative). It was quite cool to be able to make those beverages and getting to try what you whipped up was like the creme de la creme! Everyone got to equally taste each of our 'creations' and it was very cool. I feel sorry though for my supervisor cause she was down with a fever yet she had to join us for the half day traning/demo. * I wish u will get well soon*

Making those bevs aren't really that hard to do. All we need is more practise and creativity and cross our fingers that it would turn out nice every time we make them.

We we're done by 4.50pm and we were ready to leave and come back to the office. I honestly thought it would take us longer but turns out it wasn't as long as I thought it would be. Christine had to share a seat with me because I was the extra passenger. No biggie though. I was totally fine with it. My boss was just about to hit the accelerator when suddenly, the plastic bag with 2 smoothies in it slipped through my fingers and fell on the car floor! Er..some of it were on Chris' right leg. I was soooooo embarassed and at the same time scared. My supervisor was suppose to give that to a colleague but I messed it up (it wa sactually the smoothies that she made by herself during the demo). Chris quickly got off the car and my boss hurried to our side of the car to take off the car mat and clear away the spilt drink. DAMN!! I am such a dipshit!

I apologized to them for my irresponsible and clumsy action and well,even if they said it was alright, I still felt guilty. Anyways, when we arrived, we dropped my superv of and we went straight to the new place where I would be posted in together with 4 of my colleagues.It wasn't fully done but I can see the progress. The location is just a 3-5 minute walk from my current office by the way! I would still be doing what I usually do in the office but it's just that as an addition, I would also be whippin' up drinks and serving customers.

We walked back to the office and I did a bit of procrastinating apart from the routine I do before going home. Hah! It was almost 6pm anyways so I spent a few minutes teaching Chris' English words.

I got out of the office around 6.15 pm and well, waiting for the bus ain't much fun! I arrived home a few minutes before 8 and that was the end of the story. Hahaha..pretty ordinary day,you might say but for me,it feels good to learn something new each day.

Oh and I am happy to recieve a call from my Betch Down South & Ketam :) thx darlings for cheering me up. I haven't talked to them for ages especially my beyootch LOL. Heard the updates and her life and I'm glad she told me. "Babe, you know you are not judge through these eyes of mine.I accept you the way you are and DON'T you ever fucking think that you have turned into a different person because of the new chic habbits that you acquired. No matter what, Je ' taime!"

I wish he would give me a call though. I miss talking to him nightly. Eventhough we did talk this afternoon before I went for the demo but it's not enough. I miss you effin much sayang!

Oh well, I better be off for now. Gettin' more tired and sleepy by the minute. Bon nuit! ;)


November 2, 2008

Photographic Memoirs

How I miss traveling with my classmates *sigh*. I wish we could travel together again. Okay, I definitely MISS traveling! I miss experiencing new places and seeing new faces. The last place I went to were Hong Kong and Macau.

Oh well,here are some of the places I have been to with them. Miss them all *sigh*





Note : I treassure these pictures so much so I would really appreciate it if you don't try to steal them. In short, if you are a friend of mine then it's ok but if I don't know you and you steal those pics, a big "FUCK OFF" is more appropriate . Beeyatch!

Don't Hate Me.