November 15, 2008

Like Avril's Song...

"So much for my happy ending.."

Yet another dull Saturday. Unlike last week where I had all the fun in the world,this saturday was somehow dark and gloomy. It rained almost the whole day and there's just something weird about everybody's aura.

I hate this. This feeling.Always left alone in the dark like an old gramophone forgotten by time. Here I am,pouring my heart out and still quite numb from what hit me. The first thought that came across my mind was " why?" and " is it really over??"

I received an offline message from him a few hours ago,telling me that he is calling it quits - in other words,he wanted to dump me. He wanted to talk to me but I wasn't online. I was outside my room,eating,relaxing my tired mind and I was watching tv. Imagine if you were in my shoes. Picture out this scenario (the summary of my day) :

I had to change the dates manually from the 400+ pieces of fliers that was meant to be distributed today for our travel cafe opening next week. Although one of my colleagues helped me alter the dates, it was still time consuming and it did hurt my neck . That was what I did from 9 a.m til 1pm. After work, I had to go to the soon to be opened cafe to set up the decorations,the utensils and call our bread supplier to tell him that we postponed the delivery out of that place a few minutes before 6. Tired, quite hungry and eager to go home. I didn't even had a proper lunch that noon. Ceci just invited me to share some of her food cause she couldn't finish it. Before I could head home, I went to the mall to buy something for the birthday girl and got out of there at around 7.30pm. I walked over to the bus stop which was quite far and painstakingly waited for the bus to arrive. When I got home, I had my dinner,watched tv & took a bath. When I turned my YM on, that message that I mentioned above popped up.

'Case study' : You thought everything was fine between the two of you. No fights whatsoever. Nothing. You understood that he/she was busy and you didn't want to violate his /her consentration so,you just kept quiet but you still text every once in a while,making sure that he/she knows you still care even though it hurts when he makes you feel like he/she doesn't care about you anymore. All you ever did was to be the best for him/her by being patient and understanding. And oh yeah, you were a lil busy too. Now, if you were me, would this puzzle you? Would this matter make you think "why?where did i go wrong? did i miss out on something?"

If you answered "YES!" then thank you for understanding how confused I am. Even right now, as I type these words..I am emotionaly unstable. One moment I'm ok and then the next thing you know,I'm already crying. All I can say is, I tried my best to be the best for him. I loved him and I respected him but then I guess he doesn't love me anymore. There's always a reason for every action. I think and I'd rather not know why he left. It might just hurt me more if he told me why. It's best to just let it be. Move on with life.

It sickens me on how people can say things like " I will never let go of you that easily" and " I will never leave you". Those are just candies that you are meant to enjoy until it melts away. There will always be an ending to a destination even though the roads are devided,there is only one road that leads to happiness.

Will this be my 1oth failed relationship??

the confused and numb

1 comment:

LyNn® said...

just wanna give u a really tight and long hug!
so sorry..