I got this from a yahoo site and so, I decided to share it with you all..it's quite helpful for those who have issues ..haha...A divorce attorney wrote this by the way!
9 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last
1. Delineate
"yours," "mine," and "ours." If you have finances that
should be placed in each of these three categories (for example, you
have an inheritance and he has a savings account he accumulated before
the marriage, and you also have a checking account to which you both
contribute), have an upfront conversation about those assets and what
belongs to whom. Moreover, talk about your time away from "together"
activities, like he wants to bowl with the guys on Tuesday nights and
you want to attend your yoga class on Wednesday. Respect these
important delineations. Doing so will make the relationship
stronger.
2. Carve out
time to be together. Sure, you're busy working and
attending meetings, but how important are those things if your
relationship falls apart? Make time to do things together that you both
enjoy. This could be anything from grocery shopping to taking in a
movie. Take regular vacations together -- at least a couple of long
weekends and, better yet, a couple of long vacations (more than a
weekend jaunt). Commit to a weekly date night and make it as
unbreakable as that all-important staff meeting at work.
3.
Take care of yourself. Spend time every day on your
appearance and your physical well-being. Work out regularly, eat
healthy, and stay fit. Not only will your partner like looking at you,
but you'll feel better about yourself.
4.
Make sure communication goes both ways. Many
relationships fail because of misunderstandings. Effective
communication skills are necessary if your relationship is going to
survive. If there is a hint or vibe that your partner is disconnected
or you are unhappy about something, do not ignore those signals or
feelings. Approach your mate and suggest an open discussion. You may be
frustrated, angry, or hurt and so may he or she, but always stay calm
and reasonable. Your goal should be to resolve differences, and the
only viable way of doing so is through open and direct
communication.
5.
Criticize gently. Don't judge too harshly. If you
criticize, do so in the same way you would want others to criticize
you. Be kind and considerate.
6.
Never stop courting one another. Gifts, compliments,
and a loving embrace go a long way, especially when they are a
surprise. Send unexpected greeting cards, slap a Post-It note where you
know your mate will find it, keep those flowers coming in a "just
because" way. Treat your partner with the same courtesies you did when
you were dating. A terrific mindset is to pretend you are trying to win
your partner all over again.
7.
Keep the flame burning. Keep your romance alive
despite the chaos and craziness life can present from living in the
midst of sheer reality. Resolve to offer up romantic suggestions for
your partner's pleasure, even if only occasionally, like cooking her
favorite meal when you know she's had an impossible day, or entice him
into a bubble bath with you just for the fun of it. Little gestures
like these from time to time can ensure that the flame you once had
burns forever.
8. Spell
out your terms of endearment. Call out the
expectations for one another in the form of the "terms" of your
relationship together. Put them in a contract, if you like. This
contract will simply clarify and document those needs and wants that
mean a lot to you. For example, though he typically runs late, your
agreement might specify those times when he agrees not to be late; she
may agree to keep her spending at a certain limit, though she typically
has little restraint as she traipses through the mall. Discussing these
boundaries, as well as your needs and wants, can prevent either of you
from stepping over the line and causing irritation. It is often the
disappointments (needs and wants, gone unexpressed) that bring down a
relationship.
9.
Renegotiate your contract. Your relationship will
evolve, and your needs and wants will change right along with it. Once
a year, it's a good idea to review, update, or revise your contract
with each other -- whether it is verbal or written. Be mindful,
however, not to allow such a "contract" to ruin your
relationship.
8 Habits That Wreck Your Relationship
#1. Having an affair with his "potential"
Wanting
your man to be the best version of himself is admirable, but
approaching his looks and personality with "Extreme Makeover" ambition
will do little more than erode his self-esteem and leave you both
frustrated and resentful. "If you and your partner believe that love
means acceptance, pushing him to change and criticizing him is going to
send him the opposite message. What he hears is 'you aren't good
enough,'" says Nina Atwood, M.Ed., L.P.C., author of "Temptations
of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must
Avoid."
How
to rebuild: This is where the old 80-20 rule can be
used to the benefit of both of you. Spend at least 80 percent of your
time together letting your partner know all the things you adore and
appreciate about him, so that when you mention something you don't like,
it doesn't feel like another item on a long list of
failures.
More Glamour:
#2. Major mood swings
#3. Gossip
#4. Melodrama
#5. "Mom-ing" him
#6. Too much together time
#7. Jealousy
#8. Getting too comfortable
We're
living in some pretty anxiety-inducing times, and when life takes a
stressful turn, it's not uncommon for couples to start taking out that
stress on each other. While the occasional mood swing can -- and should
-- be forgiven, being in a relationship with someone whose bad moods
outnumber her good ones can make a man run for cover. Wouldn't you do
the same?
How to
rebuild: The next time you catch yourself taking a
downturn, take a moment to consider what kind of impact your moods are
having on your man and the relationship. "If a woman is too moody, we
start to walk on eggshells because we just don't want to deal with the
drama," says Matt, 31, of San Diego.
Talking
to pals about your love life is a normal
part of friendship, but if you're calling your BFF, your sister, and
your mom every time your man pisses you off, you're not only going to
wind up embarrassed when the storm passes, you'll also find yourself in
a relationship with someone who feels violated and judged. "As a
couple, private information should stay private or you risk damaging
your reputation as a couple, which in turn may isolate you from others
and sever your relationship," says Dan Schawbel, personal branding
expert and author of "Me:
2.0." Remember that word of mouth is a powerful force, and
it can hurt your reputation if your mate or others brand you as
untrustworthy."
How to
rebuild: The next time you log on to his computer and
find an improper download, resist the urge to get on the phone and vent
to your top five. Instead, sit down and talk things out with the one
person who can help you work through it. If you're not sure how to
approach him about a certain topic, sit down and write him a letter.
(Helpful hint: Sit on it for 24 hours to make sure it says what you
really want to say and isn't just filled with angry words and
blame.)
If
you're calling him in tears every time your coworker irritates you,
deleting him from Facebook during every argument, and threatening to end
the relationship over him leaving the toilet seat up (again!), he might
start looking for a new leading lady. "Men have a tendency to really
like low-maintenance girls when it comes to relationships," says
Kristian, 35, of New York City. "We're pretty lazy in general, and it's
exhausting when you need to work so hard to make someone happy and calm
them down every day."
How
to rebuild: Save the details of your office drama for
brunch with the girls, and the next time you feel your inner Heidi
Montag moving center stage, take a deep breath and rate the situation
on a scale from 1 to 10. If it scores below a 5, let it go and save
award-worthy performances for anything above a 9 (cheating, insulting
your boss at your holiday party, etc.).
Your
man loves his mama and he loves you, but when you're the one telling
him to stop playing Guitar Hero, scoffing at his lack of manners, or
informing him he can't go out with his pals because he has a "big day
tomorrow," it's anything but appealing. He'll not only resent that
you're trying to control him, but he'll also likely do what all
children do when they're being reprimanded -- rebel. "Scolding your mate
creates an unhealthy dynamic of parent-child relationship, which
automatically puts your partner into a child role and you into the role
of mom," says Jeannine Estes, M.A, a marriage and family therapist and
author of "Relationships in the Raw." "Children often do the opposite
when they feel as if they don't have a choice, and this is similar for
couples."
How to
rebuild: "Instead of scolding or telling him what to
do or not do, try to ask for your needs in a clear and respectful way
and avoid using the 'mother' tone," says Estes. "Share with your
partner the importance of your needs rather than demanding or scoffing
at what he has or hasn't done right. Also, scolding him like you are
his mother can put you in a parent role, carrying the relationship
without any assistance or partnership."
Spending
time with your guy is one of the best parts of being in a relationship,
but there's a big difference between bonding and being joined at the
hip. "Many men are attracted to secure, independent women," says Stacey
Rosenfeld, Ph.D, a New York City psychologist. "Once in relationships,
women may tend to become more dependent, to demand more time and
attention of their partners. This can represent a problem, as often men
need more space than women."
How
to rebuild: Remind your guy of the independent and
fabulous woman he was initially attracted to by indulging in your
favorite pastimes and enjoying your friends without him every once in a
while. By flashing your independence, you'll not only give him a chance
to miss you but also have interesting things to share with him when you
meet up.
He
lets you know how much he loves you constantly, but that doesn't stop
you from checking his phone when he's in the shower or sending every
pretty girl he talks to eye-daggers. Although a tiny bit of jealousy in
a relationship is normal, accusing your man of cheating and questioning
his whereabouts every time he walks in will have him feeling
controlled, manipulated, and insulted. "Jealousy in a relationship, or
even personally, is the spiritual equivalent of dumping hydrochloric
acid on the person," says 33-year-old Marc from Los Angeles. "Just sit
back and prepare for the disintegration."
How
to rebuild: Unless your man has said or done things to
make you suspicious, your jealousy is more about your relationship with
yourself than you two as a couple. Back away from his computer and
check out your own history. Were you betrayed in the past? Did you grow
up in a household where the fidelity vows were broken? There might be
ways in which you are allowing unresolved issues from your past to
dictate your present behavior. If you don't feel you can overcome the
green monster on your own, don't be afraid to reach out to a qualified
counselor who can help you identify the sources of your insecurity and
work through them.
In
the beginning of a relationship, both parties make sure to look and act
their best, but as time moves on, the sweatpants come out and routine
takes over. "People tend to get lazy in their relationships, and while
it's good to be comfortable, no one wants to be boring or to be bored,"
says Lissa Coffey, author of "What's
Your Dosha, Baby? Discover the Vedic Way for Compatibility in Life and
Love."
How
to rebuild: Men love to be seduced and romanced as
much as we do, and part of what makes the courtship phase of
relationships so fun is the experience of uncovering the mystery of
another and trying new things together. "When a woman stops making an
effort to look nice for her man and expects him to take care of all the
stuff in the romance department, a man begins to feel taken for granted
and thinks that she doesn't care about impressing him anymore," says
Brian, 30, of New York City. Show your guy he's still worth the effort
by surprising him with a break from the ratty T-shirt you wear to bed,
a sweet note, or planning a special night out for him "just because."
He'll not only appreciate it, he'll also reciprocate -- and that's a
give and take to get excited about.
Well then,there you have it.It might not be all cut out for each and one of us but it really helps. It made me look back and think about my relationship. Besides all those tips above, the one thing that I value most in my relationship is coming clean and solving argument issues/problems.It really helps in understanding each other more if you sit it out with your beau and just talk about the issues that you are both having. I know it doesn't work all the time but at least try. And men out there, we know you dislike that idea but don't be affraid to try it. being quiet and non responsive to any issue is more likely to take an effect in your relationship. Like the experts say, 2 way communication helps!
Oh well, I gotta get going. Gonna prep up for my day out. Yeay!
"Baby, I love you"...with a smile and a bite.
-lyndz-
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